Crunchwrap Supreme

As you daily reader die-hards know, I ate at TB yesterday. This was an extra-special visit because I deviated from my normal routine of getting three hardshell tacos and a pepsi (occasionally supplemented by a Gordita or potato-sides). I tried a CRUNCHWRAP SUPREME.

Apparently it's back. I don't know where it was, or that it even left, because (a) I'm a taco-purist, and (b) I eat my meals in midtown where Taco Bells are as common as nuns with Hep C.

As you can see from my camera phone's crappy pixilated representation, a Crunchwrap Supreme is basically a flat taco wrapped in a grilled tortilla. Taco Bell has stayed true to its strategy of coming up with new delivery mechanisms--in this case the hexagonal grilled tortilla--for serving the basic taco goodness of beef, cheese and lettuce (+ supreme toppings: sour cream and tomatoes). The evolution is clear.

Crunchwrap Supreme - like a Chalupa, but wrapped in a hexagon
Chalupa - like a Gordita, but crispier
Gordita - like a taco, but with a pita instead of a shell
Taco - the original, kicks you in the nuts it tastes so good

Bottom line: better than most foods, not as good as tacos. I've got one question for you, David Novak, and your taste geniuses up there at the "Yum" Corporation. Who the fuck's idea was it to replace awesome TB grated cheese with nacho cheese? If I want that mayonnaise-like cheese from a metal sack, I'll go to my local movie theater (I do want to see V for Vendetta again). I don't want that processed, liquid crap. I want all-natural, organic, Taco Bell grated cheese.

I know what you were thinking. "We'll use nacho cheese because we want it to be melted. Also, I'm a pussy." Well, you got one thing right, but didn't you consider that the Crunchwrap is particularly well suited to melting grated cheese? That's because, unlike traditional tacos, the Crunchwrap is a CLOSED SYSTEM, like the Earth, a greenhouse or a prison. It's called thermodynamics. Look it up. Put some grated cheese in a Crunchwrap and it will melt. And I assure you it will taste much more taco-like, and therefore, MUCH BETTER.

P.S. Only TEN MORE DAYS until David Novak's birthday!!! Buy your cards now before Hallmark runs out.