Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Open Late My Ass (aka 15 Sliders in 25 minutes)

Monday night I was in a benefit for a group I work with. I had advertised that for every $5 raised by the benefit, I would eat a Taco Bell taco. It's win-win for me. I get to raise money for a good cause and I get to savor delicious tacos. What could go wrong?

I'll tell you what could go fucking wrong. The Whore on 36th Street could close at 9:00pm. Another thing that could go wrong? I could eat 15 White Castle sliders (cheeseburgers) in lieu of tacos. Another thing that could go wrong? I could eat those sliders in 25 minutes and make myself sick.

Sometimes everything that CAN go wrong DOES go wrong, Champions. And, just like in Apollo 13, things went wrong on Monday. Do I blame myself for getting myself into this ridiculous situation and gorging myself sick? No. I blame David Novak for conducting a national campaign of deception against the American people. "Open Late," they say. "Open 'til 3:00am," they say. "Open so late we need to create a website to celebrate late night TB called Fourthmeal," they say. Well I say, "I had to eat 15 sliders because you're apparently afraid of the dark." Put on your jammies and have momma tuck you in, David, because unless you live in London, 9:00pm EDT ain't late.

Bottom line: Not only are there no Taco Bells in the heart of Midtown, the closest one closes at 9:00pm. Shame. On. You.

How do you sleep at night, David Novak?

68 comments:

Taco Bell Champion! said...

In case you didn't get it, Egghead, 9:00pm EDT (Eastern Daylight Time) is 2:00am in London.

Yeah, I know my timezones.

-Taco Bell Champion!

Liz said...

Don't even get me started on the lies of the Taco Bell commercials, a.k.a. promises. I don't know what they think they mean when they say "Open 1 a.m. or later" when that's a blantant lie. All over d.c. i see Taco Bells that are not open until 1 a.m. or 12 a.m. or 11 p.m. or 10 p.m. (that on Sundays). With the introduction of this 4th meal business, i really think a campaign would make them either recall their on-air promises of late night goodness OR give the city folk a chance to have a 4th meal.

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open late my ass is right! I googled 'taco bell not open late', and your blog came up.
I cannot find an open-late taco bell in my part of Cali. wtf is this 9pm bs!

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