Friday, October 20, 2006

Boardwalk for Oriental Avenue?

"Hey, you there! Would you like to trade me Boardwalk for Oriental Avenue? You know, the most valuable property on the board for one of the craptastic baby-blue ones. The Boardwalk rent is four times that of Oriental--it's a no brainer. What's that? You don't have any other baby-blue properties? Even so, you shouldn't pass up this opportunity to trade guaranteed success for absolute shit."

If we were playing Monopoly and you suggested this trade to the Champ, I would rape your dog. Anyone who isn't an idiot would. But Taco Bell is apparently an idiot. Introducing the new Nacho Cheese Gordita.

The Nacho Cheese Gordita defiles the delicious Supreme Gordita (second on the savory scale to only the original TB taco) by replacing good, honest, Mexo-American shredded cheese with artificial, liquid, nacho cheese. My feelings regarding nacho cheese are well documented, particularly in relation to the Crunchwrap Supreme. Put simply, it is dramatically inferior to Classic shredded cheese in all cases save nacho dipping.

At least its use in the Crunchwrap is explicable: TB flavor scientists were making something new, assembling bits from other menu items into a Frankenstein-ian monster of taste. Not true for the Nacho Cheese Gordita. They took something fantastic, made a single change, and ruined it.

Next on the Taco Bell agenda: replacing Halle Berry's vagina with a penis.

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