Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Think Outside The Park

If anyone hits a home run to left field in tonight's World Series game, everyone in America wins a free TB taco. Now, if you're like Ronald Regan--and I know you are--you Trust but Verify. Well, here's your verification, you fascist: Official link to Taco Bell's Think Outside The Park Contest. In spite of all my criticisms of TB (such as its embarassing failure to open a restaurant in Midtown), I think this is a fabulous promotion. Here's why.

First off, FREE TACO.

Second, I respect Taco Bell's support of our national past time. Everyone's hopping on the NASCAR or Futbol (soccer) waggon these days--I'm talking to you, Verizon Wireless--but those aren't truly American sports like the ol' bats-and-balls. I like baseball because you can be fat and slow and still kick ass. That's THE AMERICAN DREAM. But by bringing the Bell into baseball, we're also helping to internationalize the game. It's time to sweep baseball's segregated past under the rug, and how better to do it than by replacing hot dogs with Meximelts? It's no coincidence that Park Dogs resemble Lou Gehrig's penis and not Jackie Robinson's. The symbolism is obvious; might as well wear a hood, Bud Selig.

Third, this can only grow Taco Bell's consumer base by introducing new people to the glorious TB taste. I've always argued that TB is like crack-cocaine . It is similarly addictive and makes you feel even better! Why not take a page from the crack-dealers' handbook? The first taste should be free. Maybe someday the thick-skulls at Yum! will find their own assholes and follow this advice; until then, the free taco World Series promotion is a good first step.

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