Monday, October 30, 2006

Applying the Double-Decker Principle to Thanksgiving

I attended an early Thanksgiving feast yesterday, and it is one of the few times I didn't regret skipping out on the Bell. That's because the hosts applied Taco Bell principles when preparing our meal, in this case the "double-decker" principle of putting one delicious food inside another, as with the Double-Decker Taco.

We ate Turducken. It's a chicken inside a duck inside a turkey. With Italian sausage, cornbread and traditional stuffing in between the meat layers. It's the Grande Soft Taco of turkey dinners.

If that wasn't enough, they also lowered an entire pig into a hot pit in the ground, covered it with soil, and let it cook for ten hours. Then we dug it up and ate it. No TB principles here, but still hard-core.

Stop crying! I know you Lady Champions just can't stand looking at that dead pig's head, and I know you Sausages out there don't like the sensation of your testes shrinking because you didn't cook a pig in a pit and then eat it. Suck it up for the cause! Where would the Soviet Revolution be if Trotsky just walked away because Lenin got all the chicks? Deal with it.

Lessons to remember:
-- There are meals clearly less healthy than TB (e.g. Turducken and pig in a pit)
-- Taco Bell Principles can be applied outside the food court (e.g. Thanksgiving, architecture and midwifery)
-- I ate four meats--five if the Italian sausage had beef in it--in one meal, reminding us all again why I am The Champion and you are not (i.e. I am a muthafuckin' badass).
-- I properly use "i.e." and "e.g."

No comments: