Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Back in business MOTHERFUCKERS!

It's been exactly 174 days since I last posted (5 months, 21 days for the curious). And it's all my fault. Because I lack resolve. I suck. But that's over now because my goal--OUR GOAL--has still not been met. TACO BELL IN MIDTOWN WILL BECOME A REALITY. I'll cleanse the demons that have built up this half-year in four steps:

1. Apology
2. Un-Apology
3. Reawakening
4. Update List

APOLOGY
Sorry, everyone, for not posting so long and leaving you in the desert, suffering all alone.

UN-APOLOGY
Here's my bullshit rationalization for why I stopped posting (effectively undercutting the sincerity of my apology). Number #1: I don't know if any of you saw, but Taco Bell Champion got a lot of press there at the bitter end in April. There was a story about the blog on the AP. Great. Let's get some fucking media in on this Revolution Burrito!

That's what I thought until... Number #2: My push to send Taco Bell CEO David Novak birthday cards demanding a Taco Bell in Midtown resulted in *nothing*. Not even a pussy-ass "cease and desist" order. I guess I got a little depressed. I'm not going to be the faceless face (though my picture's in the AP story) of a movement that has no movement. So I lost hope.

REAWAKENING
Then, after months of no posting and no Taco Bell, I went to the Whore on 36th Street yesterday. I was real good. And I got to thinking, "Maybe I'll get back in bed with all my friends, the Champions." Then I realized, "Posts only take ten minutes to write." Then I thought, "What the hell is wrong with you, Champion?" Then I made plans to write this.

UPDATE LIST
Here are the things that have happened in the last 174 days, in no particular order:
- I had Taco Bell one time (yesterday).
- I had Ortega home-cooked tacos twice.
- I exercised five times. Over that time I've paid my healthclub $435.76 because I signed a stupid long-term contract. That makes the cost of each visit about $85.
- Superman Returns sucked, Pirates of the Caribbean #2 was good but not great, and Brick rocked my nuts off (good thing).
- I did not go home for my birthday.
- My friend published a hilarious book based on his even hilarious-er blog.
- Warren Buffett donated more than $30 billion to Bill Gates. David Novak--not in on it.
- My apartment got burgled.
- Battlestar Galactica jumped forward ONE YEAR. Wha!?! It is an awesome show. (In case you're counting, only 65 days have elapsed on Lost so far.)
- I bought my girlfriend a necklace that costs more than my annual healthclub membership. Want to know how much I love her? DO THE MATH SHITHEAD.
- Times I cried? Zero.

3 comments:

Johnny said...

THE RETURN! LIKE SHAQ TO MIAMI, RISING FROM THE DEAD TO STALK VICTORY ONCE MORE!! JESUS WOULDA RISEN 58 TIMES IN THAT SPAN, BUT I DON'T RECALL HIM EVER GETTING ANY FANCY OLDEN-DAYS TACO BELL BUILT.

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