Monday, April 24, 2006

TB, Breadsticks, and Recipes


As you can see, I ate at TB last night and splurged on some Pizza Hut Express breadsticks. Needless to say, the tacos were delicious. The breadsticks were also quite tasty. I do have one problem, though.

Gripe: Why the fuck did my breadsticks not have a freshness sticker that says "These breadsticks should be eaten before 11:47am"? Now, as we all know, Taco Bell makes all its food to order. By "make" I mean "assemble," because most of the food is already cooked; it simply needs to be heated. (Fine by me. I want Mr. Master Chef at Yum headquarters to perfectly season my meat, freeze it, and then have it warmed up. If I needed a new car, would I ask my local mechanic to build it for me? Since I'm not a shithead, No, I wouldn't.) Unlike Taco Bell, Pizza Hut Express is not made to order. They cook food ahead of time and put it in a warmer. This is fine as long as the food doesn't sit in the warmer for hours. WHICH IS WHY THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO HAVE FUCKING STICKERS!

Also, we got another shout-out from the real world, champions. It's from the editor of epicurious.com, Tanya Wenman Steel. Here's what she has to say:
"I wish [that this champion] succeed in his quest to get a Taco Bell in midtown... [and] That he and his fellow Taco Bell champions all gather together one day, whip up their own tacos (here are some recipes), and see how much better a fresh, non-fast food taco tastes."

Well, thanks for the support, Tanya. I took a look at the recipes link, and seven out of the first ten recipes are for fish tacos. Guess you didn't read about my feelings on fish tacos, Tanya. In case you champs are too busy chowing a Chalupa to click on the link, here's a bit from that post:
> Taco Bell tacos are fucking tacos. The Ortega shit
> I cook at home are fucking tacos. And, while not as
> good as TB, the stuff those crappy Mexican places
> run by Koreans make are fucking tacos. Not this
> bullshit that "Mercadito" makes. Fish? Come on. I
> love Long John Silver's, but even if Taco Bell made
> a fish taco, I couldn't get behind it.

To be clear: I'm sure Tanya's recipes are good (for fish tacos), and I suggest you check them out. TBChamp and epicurious.com can forward the same goal--opening a Taco Bell in Midtown--but still have different ideas about the world. One example is America's partnership with the Godless Communists during WWII. That turned out well. (By the way, we are America in that analogy, champs.)

-Taco Bell Champion!

P.S. SIX MORE DAYS until David Novak's birthday!!!

18 comments:

Studgie said...

was just browsing through blogs, saw this as i am quite fond of taco bell. only problem for me is im in the UK.....

ill be in canada in 6 weeks tho for one

tell me.. do they still do the chilli cheese fries ????

Anonymous said...

Hey there. Thanks for the shout-out. I understand your feelings on fish tacos, although I personally like them, but rest assured there are more "traditional" varieties on our site as well. Thanks again and good luck on your crusade.

anne altman said...

taco bell champion! nice competition for taco bell love. keeps the bloggin' fresh like the crunchwrap...

Anonymous said...

As our bomb-droppin'est Prez Hank Truman once said, "Great heavens above, boy, you've got sand!"

And THANK GOODNESS YOU DO, because sand is what it's gonna take to get these midtown workerbees to WAKE UP and DEMAND the tacos that they deserve. And it's not just the daytime crowd that needs help. Let me lay a quick story on you. Late Saturday night I was in Manhattan and needed some meat and cheese to be wrapped in a tortilla and served down my throat. Go figger: the only option was some NINE DOLLAR organic shitfest. Nine bucks? That's for the birds, I say. Compounding the tragedy was the fact that this place was PACKED FULL of youngsters with similar cravings. Sure they were overdressed and sparkly, but I'll betcha they still wouldn't say NO to the inexpensive, non-organic offerings of a TB... IF ONLY THERE WAS ONE HANDY!!

Whether in suit or haltertop, these fool Manhattanites are playing only themselves with their willful blindness, so pull no punches, blogger. Let the taco bell be as the Liberty Bell. Give us seven layers or give us death.

Anonymous said...

Ok, fish tacos are awesome. But they are only awesome if they are fresh-made. Not reheated. Fresh. On the other hand, ground beef can easily be pre-made and shipped in a handy pouch. TB should never make fish tacos.

If you have questions about TB, I could probably answer them for you. I worked at one when I was 16. Ok, that was a long time ago, but I do remember that we made our own pico de gallo every day. Not that I ever made the pico de gallo. I only worked at the drive through window. Then again, you seem pretty obsessed and you've probably figured out all of their secrets anyways.

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