Friday, November 10, 2006

Trans-fat Inequity

Along with Taco Bell's cancer policy, it's increasingly apparent that Yum! Brands is out to kill us. But only some of us.

A reader forwarded this link from the New York Times to me. Soon you won't be able to read the article online without a subscription--because the NYT is for money-laden, liberal nancies--so I'll recap it briefly here. Yum! Brands is leading the charge against trans-fat by removing the deadly additive from Kentucky Fried Chicken. Bravo.

But wait! What's that? No mention of removing trans-fat from Taco Bell tacos? What's that you say, Yum? Huh? I'm waiting for a reasonable explanation. On second thought--SHUT UP! Don't blow smoke up my ass, David, cuz your signal's coming through loud and clear. You're in love with gun-toting red-necks and black americans, but you hate Mexicans and the people who love them.

Don't get me wrong--I'll inject trans-fat directly into my heart to get that irresistible taco goodness. I'd do anything, even that defibrillator-to-the-head thing that Tom Cruise did in MI. Hell, I regularly walk a million blocks to The Whore on 36th Street just for a Gordita. I don't care that eating Taco Bell may be taking years off my life because sometimes you have to make sacrifices for the things you want. Like Laika, the Soviet space dog. The most dangerous thing a woman can do is give natural birth--IT'S TRUE--but many women make that sacrifice for a baby. I'm willing to (have my wife) make that sacrifice. Likewise, I'll sacrifice a little extra coronary heart disease for delicious tacos.

What I object to is the inequity of the thing. Why is Yum! removing trans-fat from KFC but not TB? IT'S NOT FAIR. Look, I don't mind playing trans-fat Russian Roulette with someone, but I don't appreciate your taking bullets out of the other guy's gun. (Incidentally, have you seen Deer Hunter? Majorly fucked up.) Next time you're looking to save the world, David, how about sneaking a peak at the ol' American Constitution where it says "All men are created equal."


P.S. If you geniuses can figure out how to remove trans-fat from fucking fried chicken, how about looking at a map of Manhattan and figuring out where to put your restaurants. Hint: try someplace near where 1,000,000 people gather to watch the ball drop on New Year's.

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