Thursday, March 30, 2006

Wanted: Healthy Food

I ate a pizza for lunch today, as I often do. I love pizza, but now I feel craptastic. It's because I'm not eating healthy. Another problem a convenient Taco Bell would solve.

Yes, in addition to being delicious and a good value, Taco Bell is also a healthy meal. It has all four food groups, as the list below clearly illustrates. "Four food groups?" you ask, "Weren't they replaced by the 'Food Pyramid' ages ago?" To that I answer: "Fuck you." If you believe all that bullshit new-age nutritionists believe, why don't you just climb My Pyramid and start doing so-called "aerobic exercise."

FOUR FOOD GROUPS
Grain - taco shell
Meat - beef
Dairy - cheese
Vegetable/Fruit - lettuce/tomatoes (tomatoes are a fruit; look it up!)

If we dig a bit deeper using Taco Bell's nutrition guide, we can calculate the total calories and total fat of the meal I would have eaten (3 tacos) and compare it to the calories in three pieces of pepperoni pizza. The results:

TACO BELL
Calories: 450 (23% DV)
Fat: 21 grams (33% DV)
Vitamins: A, C, Calcium, Iron

PIZZA
Calories: 807 (41% DV)
Fat: 33 grams (51% DV)
Vitamins: A, Calcium, Iron

As we can see, TB has less calories, less fat, and more vitamins than pizza.

Me: "The prosecution rests, your honor."
Judge: "Thank you, Mr. Darrow."

20 comments:

Tubby Bastard said...

Gosh, Taco Bell Champion. You sure do seem to like Taco Bell. I wonder, given your clear admiration, have you ever been employed by or sought employment from TB?

Anonymous said...

Good question, Tubby Bastard.

TBC, I'm becoming addicted to your blog. It makes me hungry. What did you eat today? What TacoBell do you wish you were eating?

Anonymous said...

I really hope yall are employed by TB as the new form of promotional advertising corporations are paying people to do on small internet scales. Taco Bell is about the bottom of the barrel of fast foods, fast foods are the bottom of the barrel of the food service industry.

Taco Bell Champion! said...

Thanks for the most recent comment, Anonymous. I've responded with a new post:

http://tacobellchampion.blogspot.com/2006/11/beholden-to-no-one.html

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