Friday, March 31, 2006

Questions Answered!

Thanks for the comments, Tubby and Anonymous. They were curious: "have I ever worked at TB?" and "What did I eat today?" Unlike Mr. Moneypants running the Taco Bell Corporation, I don't ignore pleas from the masses.

Have I ever worked at Taco Bell? No, I have not. But I did APPLY to work at a Taco Bell in Roseville, Minnesota. It was a wave-one Taco Bell, but they never called me back. (Wave-one was the first wave of TB architecture with an overt adobe style and a red/green/yellow color scheme.) I don't know how I feel about that. Was I not good enough? Was I rejected in order to protect one of their Champions from the ugly inner workings of his nirvana? What happened?

In the years since I've come to terms with the experience. I realized that my application was simply lost. There is no better explanation. Doesn't that show negligence on their part, you ask? Of course. But I never said TB was the best at everything. Their restaurants are often dirty shitholes, for example. No, no, Taco Bell has one and only one priority: making kick-ass tacos. And those tacos kick my ass so hard I shit out my belly button. Kick. Ass. Tacos. Everything else is secondary, even my job application.

What did I eat today? I had some Burger King, which was fine. I hate the "new" fries that they introduced about seven years ago. Here's some advice, King: My Way would be for you to do everything exactly like McDonald's except put sesame seeds on your buns. For dessert I'm having some Hot Tamales, which are causing a tooth pain in one of my molars, thus reminding me that I need to go to the dentist.

Keep it real, Champions!

2 comments:

sloppy nachos said...

You're a fool. Wanna talk fries? Didn't Taco Bell introduce its own fries a couple of years back? They were cakey and crumbled like old bannister dust. They had to pour nacho cheese on them to blind the taste-buds. Let's stick to the things you know TB Champ.

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